REconstruction

I am so ready to move into the next phase. I am so tired of still feeling so angry at the institution, bishops, priests, staff and parishioners who let me down.

My instagram feed is full of others who have left the church, though the difference between them and me is that they seem to have found peace.

Meanwhile I am just still so effing mad.

When my hands are busy and my mind starts to wander I find myself constantly humming the same line from one of my old favorite retreat songs:

“I lean not on my own understanding // my life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven”

This song used to be my go to prayer so naturally it is in consistent rotation in my head. Now I hear it with new ears. These are lyrics of a warped prayer sung by a person with major confidence issues. Someone who does not trust themself.

But I can trust myself. I can lean on my own understanding, my own grit, my intuition, and my gut. My life is in my own hands.

Maybe letting go of my anger means allowing myself to simply feel it.

an anonymous contrabution

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