ZEGG Forum Review

This is my reflection of the ZEGG forum event held last night that was facilitated by Debby Sugarman and Miles Hurwitz and the following events. I reserve the right to update this with clarifications and insights that come later. And I want to be clear that what follows is not a reflection of the facilitation of the event.

The Forum itself went really well, in my opinion. People were honest and vulnerable in speaking their truth. In addition to people being able to speak their truth, I was really inspired by the coming together afterwards. I left contemplating how the ZEGG forum could be really useful in ensuring connectivity within the community while still speaking the hard truths. I was hopeful (and maybe can be with some safeguards). Thank you to those who held me personally, supported the survivors, and for the conversation about the root of the problem.

What happened this morning is just a shock, but was also something that I knew was a potential consequence of the Forum. I received emails from Charity and Cliff independently with different concerns (and in a way that did not follow the ZEGG follow up instructions). For the benefit of the doubt I am going to hold that these were emotional responses, but I will say I feel bullied. I am not going to give these emails much energy at the moment as I think things need to sit for a moment and I don’t want to be reactionary. However, what I do want to share is that the messaging I received was a weaponization of people’s stories against the RJ process and a dismissal of “long ago” events, the harms experienced were being invalidated. Not denied, but invalidated. And so many other problematic things.

Being public about this is an act of vulnerability. I totally understand why Cliff and Charity (and others) don’t feel good about this being public. It is not defamation, it awareness. Things can’t be fixed if no one knows it’s broken and appropriate solutions can’t be devised if no one understands just how broken. Here’s the thing: how Cliff and Charity view the harm and the process of addressing the harm informs how safe the community is. Not just the survivors and their past stories, but also the current members and the potential for future harms. Cliff’s harmful behavior is not the whole of who he is, we have said before that he has great contribution to the world and the community. But there is an endemic of problematic behavior within the community and he is at the helm. It is his job as a leader to set the example, a job he chose for himself.

This is a great time for people to reflect on how they are showing up and engaging with each other. I know there aren’t the processes in place to teach about physical cues of vulnerability that need extra checking in on or of problematic behavior that needs to addressed in our interactions with each other. I know our boundary classes teach how to set up boundaries, but doesn’t really spend any time in this discomfort of stopping and talking about how to handle the crossing of a boundary in the moment (when it’s the most uncomfortable to say something). We don’t need to fear these conversations, we need to be having them. What goes unaddressed leaves space for continued and escalated issues. An accountability or RJ process is not necessarily needed when there can be safety in sharing (which their currently isn’t), and appropriate amends. Simplistically it looks like: agree to engage, set boundaries, boundaries crossed, discuss, sincerely apologize, internally reflect how that happened (both parties), seek counsel as needed, and be gracious to the humanness of it all. For those who fear being called out for problematic behavior, I hope I can have you hear and understand me: this publicity and structured response is needed because there was a continue disruption in the mitigation of harm. Really, it should be like giving feedback for anything thing else.

There is this idea that the Treehouse is the only place for community to connect and that just isn’t the case. I am not insensitive to effect this has had on the community, it especially breaks my heart to new members who were just beginning their healing journey. I also recognize that the community is all of us within it. Cliff, Charity, and the Treehouse was the container, but it’s not the only container. So I ask people to honor their fear of losing community AND see if you can continue feeling in community at the events that are going on. Your peers are hosting in other spaces, so please go be with your community. And I’m not opposed to events at the Treehouse ONCE the right safeguards are in place and other facilitators are secured. As I said from day one, that would be a generous offer for Cliff and Charity to open their home to events without needing to be a part of them, and would also address the power dynamic of people feeling safe to share. I get that’s not a popular opinion. I’m not here to be popular, I’m here to speak to the truth. I am also not an expert nor have never claimed to be…. but we have plenty of people who are: Amanda (their facilitator), Marita (survivor facilitator), Miles (who did the ZEGG Forum), and so many others in our community. So, I have encouraged both Cliff and Charity to reach out to their supports on the impacts of their messages to me and see if those really hold true after the fear and anger have time to settle and they get a little more informed.

In the meantime, know that you all are what will make this community survive and thrive from this.

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